The Mystery Man

My modern drama final paper is due the Monday after Thanksgiving, so I've been living in the library since Sunday to avoid sacrificing holiday time for writing time. Living in the library (specifically the reading room) means that I'm spending a lot of time pondering the existence of Reading Room Guy (RRG). Even if you never go in the library, you will certainly have seen RRG through the windows of the reading room on your way to C-Street or the Quad. Many things about RRG amaze and disturb me.

Part I: His outer qualities.

• RRG is ancient and has no place in a college library. Professors don't step foot in the reading room, let alone random, old Cap Hill hipsters!
• RRG has what I like to refer to as the "Anthony Bourdain Look". The ABL describes an older man who obviously got down and dirty in his youth and now looks quite leathery and a bit unhealthy. An ABL-er must be tall, skinny, leathery, and old, but--and this is the most important part--he does not realize that he's old.
• RRG wears very, very skinny jeans. He wears a keffiyah. He wears pastel or neon sweaters. He wears a black pair of Converse.
• RRG has a chain attached to his pants.
• RRG has bleach blonde hair.

Part II: His inner qualities.

• RRG spends all day in the reading room. If I'm feeling ambitious and am at the library before 8am, he's there. If I've been procrastinating all week and have to stay in the library until 3am finishing a paper due the next morning, he's there.
• RRG is always reading a paperback book.
• RRG always has a paper cup of coffee from Bon Ap. On occasion, I have seen him in C-Street. It was disturbing to see him outside his (un)natural environment of the reading room.
• RRG does not seem self-conscious that all he does, weekday and weekend, is read in the library.
• RRG is apparently either retired, a millionaire, or homeless because he cannot possibly hold down a job with all the time he spends reading.
• RRG has intense powers of concentration because he rarely moves. If I am unfortunate enough to be in the reading room for an extended period of time, I'll have either shifted, browsed the internet, run to the bathroom, texted, or daydreamed at least 5 times per hour. Maybe this is more demonstrative of my inabilities rather than RRG's superpowers, but I still find it strange.

Part III: Questions I have about RRG.

• Is he in any way affiliated with the university? An alum? An emeritus? The husband/partner of a professor? The nephew of Fr. Lemiuex?
• Does he have a home? Does he live in the library?
• Does he have a job? Is he independently wealthy? Did he make his millions at Microsoft and then decide to become an overaged Cap Hill hipster who reads all day?
• What does he read? Is he secretly some Good Will Hunting-genius?
• What does his voice sound like?
• Why does he dress in the manner of a 20 year old college student?
• WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN THE LIBRARY CLOSES FOR RENOVATIONS?!?!? I'm worried for him.

If anyone can answer my questions or tell me about an enconter with RRG, please let me know. I intened to find out more about him by the time I graduate from these hallowed halls.