Wedding Skanks and Mullets

Yesterday Kelsey, Emily, Emily's roommate Mandy, and I spent the day at Laurelhurst park, where we engaged in some heavy people watching. Laurelhurst has a wonderful mix of normal families, young people like myself, and freak-a-leeks. Obvi the weird people are the best for people watching, but it's fun to watch families parade around in their smugness, too. One particular family had a ginger baby. It was terrifying. Which led us to wonder WTF gingers look like when they start to go grey. Do they just look like albinos? Do they retain their red eyebrows? Mind-boggling.

Other great observations from yesterday:

1. A skanky wedding!!!! A D-Bag was marrying a Trout Pout skabimbo (skank + bimbo, if you were wondering). He had frosted tips, she had orange skin. It was obviously a match made in heaven. The wedding colors were teal (like pool-blue teal) and brown. Did not work so well with the groom's platinum highlights. The wedding party were all shot-gunning Red Bulls while the groom and bride were getting pics taken. I can only aspire to this state of perfection.
2. A super hot step-dad/partner/boyfriend there with his lady-love and her daughter. His name was Asa. Kelsey thought he was Jewish, Emily thought he was Brazilian, and I just thought he was really good looking. We spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out their family situation and staring at him. Oh, Asa.
3. Lots of dogs in ridiculous outfits. WHY?
4. A lot of mullets. For whatever reason, mullets are still popular in pockets of Portland.
5. Have you ever noticed that sometimes it's hard to tell the height of an adult when s/he is next to a child? It's really hard to tell if they're super tall or just with a kid. Which is why we were contemplating the idea of a blog called "Tall or With Child?".
6. Weird old guy practicing tai chi across from us. He also had a mullet.
7. An Andrew Dean look-alike. I hope all of you SU readers can appreciate how amazing spotting this creature was for K, E, and I.

That was pretty much it for people watching in the park, although we did get in some more top-notch observations while drinking in the McMenamin's outdoor seating of their Hawthorne Blvd. branch, The Bagdad. We practically had to cut a beez for our prim-o seats, but it was so worth it, because Hawthorne was full of crazies last night, like a woman wearing tie-dye and acid washed jeans, and rocking a mullet. Oh, Oregon.

History Lessons

Today I went to the gym my family has belonged to for ages and ages in an attempts to feel produtive. This gym is not in my neighborhood, is downtown, is fairly large, and attracts a wide range of...athletes (worker-outers? cardioers? gym rats? gym rats). Therefore, I should not be recognized, right? WRONG. Big wrong.

Today I was recognized by no less than 4 people from my not-so-ancient past:

1. High school physics teacher. He remembered that I sucked BIG TIME at physics. I told him I haven't used it since the day I left his class. Who burned whom? I'd say it was a wash.
2. Weird guy from my dad's office. He likes to chat with me about his daughter who lives in SF, and he's very competitive about her successes as we are the same age. For many years I was one-upping her; unfortunetly, she now earns $80,000/year as an accountant.
3. A vaguely attractive in high school, now definitely attractive XC runner. He told me he has moved home, too. But he is also in law school, so...his attempts at making me feel better ended there. Although chatting about our mutual dislike of Person #1 did lessen my over-all feeling of ickiness at running into the ol' teach.
4. Annoying chick I danced with for three years. She was the type to bully her way to the front row so everyone would be watching her. Now she's taking a year off from UofO to "re-focus". Uh-huh.

Even taking into account that it's Columbus Day and many people don't have work, I'd say it's about time to find myself another gym. Or maybe I'll have to start wearing one of these to my work-outs.

The Mystery Man

My modern drama final paper is due the Monday after Thanksgiving, so I've been living in the library since Sunday to avoid sacrificing holiday time for writing time. Living in the library (specifically the reading room) means that I'm spending a lot of time pondering the existence of Reading Room Guy (RRG). Even if you never go in the library, you will certainly have seen RRG through the windows of the reading room on your way to C-Street or the Quad. Many things about RRG amaze and disturb me.

Part I: His outer qualities.

• RRG is ancient and has no place in a college library. Professors don't step foot in the reading room, let alone random, old Cap Hill hipsters!
• RRG has what I like to refer to as the "Anthony Bourdain Look". The ABL describes an older man who obviously got down and dirty in his youth and now looks quite leathery and a bit unhealthy. An ABL-er must be tall, skinny, leathery, and old, but--and this is the most important part--he does not realize that he's old.
• RRG wears very, very skinny jeans. He wears a keffiyah. He wears pastel or neon sweaters. He wears a black pair of Converse.
• RRG has a chain attached to his pants.
• RRG has bleach blonde hair.

Part II: His inner qualities.

• RRG spends all day in the reading room. If I'm feeling ambitious and am at the library before 8am, he's there. If I've been procrastinating all week and have to stay in the library until 3am finishing a paper due the next morning, he's there.
• RRG is always reading a paperback book.
• RRG always has a paper cup of coffee from Bon Ap. On occasion, I have seen him in C-Street. It was disturbing to see him outside his (un)natural environment of the reading room.
• RRG does not seem self-conscious that all he does, weekday and weekend, is read in the library.
• RRG is apparently either retired, a millionaire, or homeless because he cannot possibly hold down a job with all the time he spends reading.
• RRG has intense powers of concentration because he rarely moves. If I am unfortunate enough to be in the reading room for an extended period of time, I'll have either shifted, browsed the internet, run to the bathroom, texted, or daydreamed at least 5 times per hour. Maybe this is more demonstrative of my inabilities rather than RRG's superpowers, but I still find it strange.

Part III: Questions I have about RRG.

• Is he in any way affiliated with the university? An alum? An emeritus? The husband/partner of a professor? The nephew of Fr. Lemiuex?
• Does he have a home? Does he live in the library?
• Does he have a job? Is he independently wealthy? Did he make his millions at Microsoft and then decide to become an overaged Cap Hill hipster who reads all day?
• What does he read? Is he secretly some Good Will Hunting-genius?
• What does his voice sound like?
• Why does he dress in the manner of a 20 year old college student?
• WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN THE LIBRARY CLOSES FOR RENOVATIONS?!?!? I'm worried for him.

If anyone can answer my questions or tell me about an enconter with RRG, please let me know. I intened to find out more about him by the time I graduate from these hallowed halls.