Things I Like #14

Love

To celebrate Valentine's Day, here is a list of my former romances

The Loves of Lara

Lance Bass

So he turned out to be gay, whatevs, he was super hot in the mind of 12 year old Lara. I don't regret a second of my obsession with Mr. Bass. None of those moments spent pondering his spikey hair or green eyes are considered wasted.

Bert from Mary Poppins

Fashionable, artistic, tells good jokes, British accent, dexterous, limber dancer, flirtatious, nice singing voice, dirty, grimey...what's not to like???

Paul Walker

I still think you're really, really, ridiculously pretty

Dad from The Parent Trap (aka Brian Keith)

So he's kind of old, but he also owned a kick-ass ranch house in California, and when I was 8 I wanted to marry him and spend my afternoons swimming in his pool with him and his twin daughters

Moon Doggie, love interest in Gidget (aka Bobby Darren)

Moon Doggie, I secretly loved you more than anyone else, even more than Leo and Lance, which is saying a lot

Leo

Let's just take a minute of silence to appreciate the beauty that was 1990s Leonardo DiCaprio
NEVER LET GO...of that awesome hairstyle that made 11 year old me totally enamored

Joey Harrington

Who is this?, you may ask. Very well, I will explain. He is currently an NFL player, but back in the day he played football for Portland's Central Catholic High School and U of O. You were forbidden fruit, because I was destined to attend CCHS's rival high school. One time, in 7th grade, I stood on the sidelines at PGE park during a high school play-off game, and you walked by and gave me a high five. I can still feel the sting of your hand slapping mine. It was magical.

Han Solo (aka Harrison Ford)

Was there any girl who did not fall in love with you when their Dad first made them watch Star Wars in like, 4th grade? My Dad thought I liked the Ewoks, but it was really you who I thought cutest of them all

Freddie Prinze Jr.

I still own a copy of She's All That on VHS. Your hair achieved spikey heights no other 1990s teen heartthrob could manage. I loved you so much I suffered through that stupid baseball movie you were in with weird-0 face Matthew Lillard, and the one in NYC where that blond chick thought you were a serial killer, and both Scooby Doos

Brian from BSB

You had a hole in your heart (ventricular septal defect), and I knew I could fill it with my love