I've Made a Huge, Tiny Mistake...

In not attending this event

Apparently in 2008 there was a concert by the musical director of Arrested Development. He sang all the show's finest gems live. Here are the ones I've found on the 'tube

Theme song

Big Yellow Joint

The Franklin Song

Mr. F

Here's a bonus, just for giggles:

Sadly, no performances of "Motherboy" were uploaded.

Things I Like #14

Love

To celebrate Valentine's Day, here is a list of my former romances

The Loves of Lara

Lance Bass

So he turned out to be gay, whatevs, he was super hot in the mind of 12 year old Lara. I don't regret a second of my obsession with Mr. Bass. None of those moments spent pondering his spikey hair or green eyes are considered wasted.

Bert from Mary Poppins

Fashionable, artistic, tells good jokes, British accent, dexterous, limber dancer, flirtatious, nice singing voice, dirty, grimey...what's not to like???

Paul Walker

I still think you're really, really, ridiculously pretty

Dad from The Parent Trap (aka Brian Keith)

So he's kind of old, but he also owned a kick-ass ranch house in California, and when I was 8 I wanted to marry him and spend my afternoons swimming in his pool with him and his twin daughters

Moon Doggie, love interest in Gidget (aka Bobby Darren)

Moon Doggie, I secretly loved you more than anyone else, even more than Leo and Lance, which is saying a lot

Leo

Let's just take a minute of silence to appreciate the beauty that was 1990s Leonardo DiCaprio
NEVER LET GO...of that awesome hairstyle that made 11 year old me totally enamored

Joey Harrington

Who is this?, you may ask. Very well, I will explain. He is currently an NFL player, but back in the day he played football for Portland's Central Catholic High School and U of O. You were forbidden fruit, because I was destined to attend CCHS's rival high school. One time, in 7th grade, I stood on the sidelines at PGE park during a high school play-off game, and you walked by and gave me a high five. I can still feel the sting of your hand slapping mine. It was magical.

Han Solo (aka Harrison Ford)

Was there any girl who did not fall in love with you when their Dad first made them watch Star Wars in like, 4th grade? My Dad thought I liked the Ewoks, but it was really you who I thought cutest of them all

Freddie Prinze Jr.

I still own a copy of She's All That on VHS. Your hair achieved spikey heights no other 1990s teen heartthrob could manage. I loved you so much I suffered through that stupid baseball movie you were in with weird-0 face Matthew Lillard, and the one in NYC where that blond chick thought you were a serial killer, and both Scooby Doos

Brian from BSB

You had a hole in your heart (ventricular septal defect), and I knew I could fill it with my love

Celebrity Children Update

If you're one of the 3 avid readers of Team Lara, you might remember that one of the Things I Like is Celebrity Babies. I love them a lot, and will even scan the pages of US Weekly while in line at the grocery store to see new pics of the Brangelina brood or, better yet, Jen and Ben's adorable little creatures, Violet and Seraphina. My fascination with them boils down to this: they wear better clothes than me, they have better hair than me, and they are extra beautiful because they are usually the product of two celebs who are extra beautiful to begin with (see spawn of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe). However, I'm not so obsessed that I'd have a whole blog dedicated to these pint-sized celebs, which is what this person has done: http://www.celebritybabyscoop.com/. While I wouldn't create this blog myself, per se, I am guilty of browsing it from time to time. Don't judge too hard! Anyway, they have a list of all these celebrities and celebrity children, so you can just click on the name and see lots of pics of parent and child; a modern day Holy Family portrait, if you will.

I totes recommend the site for your daily dose of cuteness, especially for those of you who are sick of cute kitties and puppies and koalas and all those other furry creatures

Even Rodents Need Love

this is not my photo

Punxsutawney Phil, aka the Groundhog Day groundhog, is a very special furry creature. Besides being America's best loved weatherman (actually he's in a dead-heat with Al Roker), he's a fan of reading, a great friend, and a devoted husband.

Yes, that's right, Phil is a family man with a wife named...Phyllis. They live together with about 30 other groundhogs in a "zoo" outside of the children's section of the Punxsutawney Memorial Library.

However, all might not be well in groundhog paradise; a few years back, Ol' Philly tried to escape, and his handlers had to wrangle him back to his abode. Perhaps he and Phyllis had a fight over who got to chew on the returned copy of See Spot Run.

If you're as fascinated by this unique American celebrity as I am, visit his website. Fantastic! I wonder when he'll start his descent into LiLo-dom.

Things that Scare Me

I have a long list of things that scare me. I am a fretter, as LSem likes to remind me. However, I think that I am justified* in this fear, which is somewhere around Orange as a Threat Level.

Justin Timberlake Hair Watch-Threat

I'm very concerned that his hair is sliding dangerously back into BoyBand Territory. What will I do if he degenerates into his 19 year old self? Who else will I google during mindless internet

browsing (especially now that Luke Wilson has become sort of schlubby. Have you seen those AT&T ads lately?)?

Anyway, here are 2 photos that represent Mr. JT at his pinnacle of hotness:

#1

#2

And here is the style he is currently rocking:

Now, a lot about this look is GREAT. Glasses, checkered dress shirt, pocket square, well-tailored suit, scruff, and he appears to be holding something that he read/is reading, and anything that points to literacy in a man is always a plus in my book.

However, that hair is dangerously close to this look,

For God's sake, Justin, fight the fro! Fight it with all your little boyband heart!

*see what I did there with that pun? pretty good, right?

Heaven on Earth or a Sign of the Impending Apocalypse?

Christopher Walken sings Gaga's Poker Face. And by "sings" I mean Walken-izes.

VAMPIRE WEEKEND CONCERT

Tonight's concert confirmed my undying love for VW and, especially, front man Ezra Koenig. They put on a great, happy, dance-party, singalong show at the Crystal Ballroom (whose bouncy floors make it perf for the bouncy-dancing that VW inspires), and I think they pleased all the fans with the set list. I can't remember the order, but here's what they played:

*Horchata

*California English

*Cousins

*White Sky

One (Blaaaaaaake's got a new face)

Bryn

A-Punk

M79

Campus

Oxford Comma

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

Walcott (ending song)

They ended on Walcott because its lyrics beg the listener to "get out of Cape Cod tonight" AKA the venue. IDK. All that really mattered is that I got to see the sweaty, sexy bangs of this man:

FUAHHHHHHHHHHHH I can't even verbalize my love for you and your polo shirt under oxford shirt wearing-self.

PS. He totally geeked out about Powell's, saying it was one of his favorite reasons to visit PDX. We would make such nerdy, attractive English-major-babies together. CALL ME! I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER!

It Goes There

If you are an avid fan of Team Lara, you know that the Canadian teen series Degrassi rocks my world. It is nothing short of epic in its scope. Cancer, auto-thefts, coming-outs, teen pregnancies, first jobs, a teen stripper, drugs, jail/juvie, STDs, parent-teacher hookups, nerdy-to-slutty makeovers, and basically everything and anything you could ever imagine. BFF "L" and I watch it whenever we are at our parents', as neither of us have the Noggin channel in Seattle/NYC. We've watched it since middle school, and so it should be unsurprising to all you readers that I have a years-long crush on one of the characters, "Jimmy". Jimmy used to be a basketball star, but then a crazy classmate paralyzed him during a shooting spree, so Jimmy learned how to use a wheelchair, dealt with impotence, started a clothing line, went to college, and began rapping. His rapping does not remain in the realm of fiction, however. In the real world he is known as "Drake" (as far as rap names go, it's weak-sauce, but considering his birth-name is Aubrey Graham, it's a vast improvement). And although Degrassi claims to "Go There", it has never gone to the dirty territories into which Drake has ventured. Take a look:

Damn. Degrassi fans, I hope you're not too shocked.

Things I Like #5

Colin Meloy Covers

Why, might you ask? Portland, acoustic guitars, classic songs, that slightly nasal voice, and surprising adaptations. Although I have a soft spot for most of the original versions of these fine tunes, Mr. Meloy gives them a certain special something. When he performs them live, you often get witty comments such as, "This is a sad, modern campfire song. You'd put out the fire using tears with this one", in reference to his Morrissey cover. Favorites include:

Jonie Mitchell's "A Case of You". Filmed in Seattle!


Sam Cooke's "Cupid". Filmed in Portland!


Morrissey's "Everyday is Like Sunday".


Elliott Smith's "Clementine". Filmed in Portland!

I wish we were allowed to see the cellphone-waving that he describes half way through.

Things I Like #2

Things I Like

There was a request for this entry of "Things I Like", so here it is:

Celebrity Children.

Why do I like the spawn of Hollywood hotties? First, they usually have two attractive stars as parents, which means they are DOUBLY adorable and will eventually be a SUPER hottie (unfortuntely, this is not always the case. Ahem, Rumer Willis). Second, at the age of three, they are wearing more expensive and fashionable clothing items than me. Third, they're hammy for the cameras, unlike their world-weary celebrity parents who no longer smile for the cameras when they're grocery shopping. Their children, however, always smile when a photog is snapping a picture of them with mommy and daddy after their Scientology session. Fourth, they're cute, they're sassy, and I don't have to actually interact with them. As many Team Lara fans know, I enjoy looking at small children, I enjoy small childrens' miniature clothing and shoes, I enjoy the concept of small children, but I rarely enjoy spending large quantities of time with small children. They yell, they get messy, they cry, they whine...In short, they are far too much like me. However, looking at pics of and reading articles about celebrity children satisfies my enjoyment of cute, quiet, polite, independent, well-dressed small children without facing the reality that children are never any of these things.

Here are my favorite celebrity children. This is based off of rigorous research from a scholarly journal called "Perez Hilton".

• Cruz Beckham: he is the youngest son of David (may-jah hottie) and Victoria (member of the first favorite band) and he break-dances. Enough said.


• Shiloh Jolie-Pitt: on principle, I don't want to fawn over Shiloh because I have serious reservations about her mother (she seems like a wonderful mother, but she once drank her husband's blood and made out with her brother--two facts that are hard to forget); but, one look at those eyes and those outfits and I am oohing and ahhing over her. She'll probably end up being a rock star. I also really like that she carries her baby doll around with her and that she seems like a laid back, California baby. When Shiloh grows up, I'd rather hang with her than Suri, I'll be honest.
  
  
  


• Suri Cruise: mostly I am fascinated because she really should not exist. Who in a million years would imagine that Tom Cruise would get with sweet little Dawson's Creek girl and create a Scientology baby who wears Burberry? Anyone? Me neither, but he did and it's awesome. I love Suri because she seems perpetually pissed off, and it's hard to maintain that kind of attitude at the age of two. I like that she never wears pants, and that she enjoys stuffed animals. I covet her Burberry and Pucci jumpers. I appreciate that she's an only child. I like her stylish bob and her bangs. I like her painted nails.

• Violet Affleck: OH MY GOD! She is hands down my favorite celebrity child. If I have children, I hope that mine is as cute and sweet and quiet-looking as this one. She is never not smiling in pictures, she wears cute, yet not outlandish (ahem, Suri) clothes, she plays on jungle gyms, she has curly blonde hair, she has dimples, I've never seen a picture of her crying or looking pissy, she has two major hotties as parents, and she is going to be a big sister. CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE (and so well-behaved)!
  
  

• Cara, Maddy, Aaden, Collin, Joel, Hannah, Leah, and Alexis Gosselin: technically, these are not celebrity children because they are famous due to a reality show in which TLC captures what it is like to live in a family with two sets of multiples. But whatever, I am still hopelessly devoted to these little trouble makers (who really don't make as much trouble as eight kids could if they set their minds to it). I love them (with the exception of Maddy, but more on that later) because they wear cute clothes, they are incredibly photogenic, they mumble and have made-up words, they all have little personalities, they have one special characteristic that makes it easy for me to remember who is who, they seem to like each other, they don't appear to be hellions (again, excepting Maddy), and none of them has a tantrum without some merit--if I were one of eight, I would flip out from time to time, too. They are all adorable and I would be totally star-struck if I ever saw them in an airport flying to Hawaii or Florida or Colorado or any of the other million places TLC has sent them this season as a means of getting higher ratings.
  

I'm not going to lie, though, I do have favorites. I adore Alexis, Hannah, and Aaden. I would rather gouge my eyes out than spend time with Maddy, who seems to be a total attention whore at the age of 8. God help the Gosselin parents when she is 16. Cara, her twin sister, is pretty cute, too; sadly, Collin and Joel are pretty whiney and lacking personalities, and Leah just pales in comparison to Hannah ("Hannie") and Alexis. Reasons why I love Alexis: she's sassy, she doesn't sleep, she is a little bossy, she is cuddly, and she loves her stuffed alligator. Reasons why I love Hannah: she's the girliest, she won't let Kate cut her hair, she wears adorable clothes, she makes really cute facial expressions, and she's helpful around the house. Hannah is my over-all favorite and I want to adopt her. Jon and Kate have eight kids, I'm sure they wouldn't miss one! Spread the adorable love! Reasons why I love Aaden: he wears glasses.

Aaden:

Alexis:

Hannah (this is not the most flattering pic of Hannah; she must just not be photogenic, because she's by far the cutest on tv):

And that concludes my extensive research on celebrity children. I hope you've enjoyed the fruits of my labor. Look forward to the next Thing I Like post which will be about Emma, my Lynx Point Siamese kitten and the Team Manager of Team Lara