Professor Falafel

Falafel

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Professor

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The Sublime

Last night was an epic Portland experience; a cheap bar off Hawthorne followed by the best falafel I've ever had, served to me by a young, hot falafel-maker. I don't know his name, but we bestowed upon him the nomiker "Professor Falafel", which turned into "Doc Falaf" (we wanted it to rhyme like "Doc Oc" real bad, but it just wasn't happening). I believe this started by me telling him, "You're so good at falafel making, I bet you have a PhD in it". Doc Falaf, I'll be back; keep that falafel griddle warm for me.

Things I Like #14

Love

To celebrate Valentine's Day, here is a list of my former romances

The Loves of Lara

Lance Bass

So he turned out to be gay, whatevs, he was super hot in the mind of 12 year old Lara. I don't regret a second of my obsession with Mr. Bass. None of those moments spent pondering his spikey hair or green eyes are considered wasted.

Bert from Mary Poppins

Fashionable, artistic, tells good jokes, British accent, dexterous, limber dancer, flirtatious, nice singing voice, dirty, grimey...what's not to like???

Paul Walker

I still think you're really, really, ridiculously pretty

Dad from The Parent Trap (aka Brian Keith)

So he's kind of old, but he also owned a kick-ass ranch house in California, and when I was 8 I wanted to marry him and spend my afternoons swimming in his pool with him and his twin daughters

Moon Doggie, love interest in Gidget (aka Bobby Darren)

Moon Doggie, I secretly loved you more than anyone else, even more than Leo and Lance, which is saying a lot

Leo

Let's just take a minute of silence to appreciate the beauty that was 1990s Leonardo DiCaprio
NEVER LET GO...of that awesome hairstyle that made 11 year old me totally enamored

Joey Harrington

Who is this?, you may ask. Very well, I will explain. He is currently an NFL player, but back in the day he played football for Portland's Central Catholic High School and U of O. You were forbidden fruit, because I was destined to attend CCHS's rival high school. One time, in 7th grade, I stood on the sidelines at PGE park during a high school play-off game, and you walked by and gave me a high five. I can still feel the sting of your hand slapping mine. It was magical.

Han Solo (aka Harrison Ford)

Was there any girl who did not fall in love with you when their Dad first made them watch Star Wars in like, 4th grade? My Dad thought I liked the Ewoks, but it was really you who I thought cutest of them all

Freddie Prinze Jr.

I still own a copy of She's All That on VHS. Your hair achieved spikey heights no other 1990s teen heartthrob could manage. I loved you so much I suffered through that stupid baseball movie you were in with weird-0 face Matthew Lillard, and the one in NYC where that blond chick thought you were a serial killer, and both Scooby Doos

Brian from BSB

You had a hole in your heart (ventricular septal defect), and I knew I could fill it with my love

HOT DATE

I had a super hot date with MSem tonight. She took me to see this gem:

And if that wasn't one of the best f-ing movies I've seen on the big screen in awhile, well then...I must be a 13 year old girl.

Srsly pals, there was some hot vampire-on-human, werewolf-on-human, vampire-on-werewolf action going on (in a chaste, Morman way, at least). And parts of it were actually quite suspenseful! And I didn't totally hate K.Stew, and R.Patz didn't look too smelly and hobo-esque. But, best of all, despite making me feel like a HUGE COUGAR, was this gentleman, er, boy:
Shit, I didn't even want R.Patz and his sparkly skin to return to the screen once I saw this underage werewolf. Me likey.

Howsomeever, I am annoyed with one thing. Now I can't get this tune out of my head:

PS. Apologies for The Sims animation video. IDK. I couldn't find the actual song sans creepy animation on youtube or hulu. This was the least offensive version. Blerg.

Mmm Your Horchata's So Hot and Steamy

Dear Ezra,

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I love you. It's very rare to find a man who rocks flannel and argyle AND regularly showers, as well as knows the finer points of English grammar ("Oxford Comma"). You have endeared yourself to me.

I know your music isn't exactly cutting-edge. I'm sorry, but you're basically the 2000s' Paul Simon. But you're hot, and Paul is not. And your music is just so happy and vaguely preppy that I can't not love it.

So, if you're interested in a relationship with a Northwestern-er who is a fellow Lit major, please let me know. While you're getting back to me, I'll be listening to the singles from your forthcoming album, Contra.

Love,

Lara.

PS. Here is an idea for future artistic direction: do one of your music videos shirtless. It'd be really...avant-garde.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Rick Steves episodes are on Hulu: http://www.hulu.com/rick-steves-europe

It Goes There

If you are an avid fan of Team Lara, you know that the Canadian teen series Degrassi rocks my world. It is nothing short of epic in its scope. Cancer, auto-thefts, coming-outs, teen pregnancies, first jobs, a teen stripper, drugs, jail/juvie, STDs, parent-teacher hookups, nerdy-to-slutty makeovers, and basically everything and anything you could ever imagine. BFF "L" and I watch it whenever we are at our parents', as neither of us have the Noggin channel in Seattle/NYC. We've watched it since middle school, and so it should be unsurprising to all you readers that I have a years-long crush on one of the characters, "Jimmy". Jimmy used to be a basketball star, but then a crazy classmate paralyzed him during a shooting spree, so Jimmy learned how to use a wheelchair, dealt with impotence, started a clothing line, went to college, and began rapping. His rapping does not remain in the realm of fiction, however. In the real world he is known as "Drake" (as far as rap names go, it's weak-sauce, but considering his birth-name is Aubrey Graham, it's a vast improvement). And although Degrassi claims to "Go There", it has never gone to the dirty territories into which Drake has ventured. Take a look:

Damn. Degrassi fans, I hope you're not too shocked.

Hotties of the Late '50s

I just finished watching "Gigi" on AMC, which happens to be one of my favorites. I don't know what it says about me that I find misogynistic leading men from 1950s musicals to be the epitome of romance, but there you have it.

Gaston:



Freddy:



I don't even like musicals, but after I listen to these two bad boys in their top hats and tails, I am ready to buy myself a ballgown and burst into song.