Identity Crisis

Okay, I just found out that the Zodiac has been changed to include a 13th sign that was part of the traditional Babylonian panoply. Thus, many of us now have new signs. My dad is no longer a Pisces, but an Aquarius, for instance.

I mean, yes it sucks to have your sign shift, but you guys, my situation resulting from this change is worse.

I am the new 13th sign.

It's called Ophiuchus. First of all, that word sounds like "mucus". Second of all, WHO AM I?! My whole life I have been told I am a classic Sagittarius. Here are some Sagittarian characteristics:

Interested in expanding horizons through traveling abroad, learning foreign languages, or immersing themselves in unique cultures. These individuals thrive on higher education. They tend to be optimistic and have a great capacity for faith, as it is this good-natured faith that usually plays into their fortunate endeavors. Fiery enthusiasm, blunt sincerity, honest convictions, love of independence, adventurous, enjoy the outdoors, joyful, and outgoing (thanks, Wikipedia).

That just summed up yours truly, no?

But apparently NOT!

So who am I now, if not a joyful, blunt, traveler?

NO ONE KNOWS! In an hour of intensive internet research on characteristics of the Ophiuchus, I could not find one site with a list of qualities. Not only must I shed my Sagittarian identity, I have to deal with my new Zodiac sign being a total tabula fucking rasa. This may result in years of therapy.

From Amurrica to Europe

Now that the World Cup is over, where am I supposed to get my necessary daily Rx of sweaty, tan, cursing, neon spandex-wearing, and over-coiffed men?

From Europop, duh.

Here is a blog I just found out about that scouts the interwebs and European radio stations for the latest Europop hits. I spent like, 3 hours reading/watching the site.

Possibly my favorite (and I mean legit favorite, and not "favorite") is "Allez, Ola, Ole" by Jesse Matador, which was a contender for the Eurovision contest. It's really, really catchy and dance-able, and there are awesome outfits in the video.

My "fave" is this Swedish hit: "Peña Colada Boy" by Baby Alice. One of the lines is "And when the sun goes down you make my boobs feel round". Oh jeez, sign me up for more of Baby Alice and her lyrical masterpieces!

And here is a replacement for all the hot soccer boys you're now missing:

God bless Europe.

For-arrgh

The title is my attempt at a pirate-golf pun.

Why?

Because friends Katie and Emily took me to Glowing Greens, a pirate themed mini-golf joint in downtown. Don't worry, copious amounts of rum were consumed before our athletic competition took place (I totally won, btw). I can't really even explain how amazing and perfectly "Lara" this place is. First of all, when you go to the door, there is a pirate greeting you. Don't worry, I took lots of pictures with him. You enter and walk downstairs, and all the sudden you are in a black-lit, under-the-sea world of enchantment. It's Pirates of the Caribbean without Keira Knightly fugging it up. The dudes who run the ticket counter were super hot, despite their jobs as employees of a pirate mini-golf green, and were generous with the compliments and eye-winks. They were kind of bros, but I'm pretty sure they had been those boys from 6th grade with crewcuts* and orange Gap hoodies who grow up to be nice, athletic gents who sometimes make my heart go pitter patter. ANYWAY, I digress.

Glowing Greens is pretty cheap at $7, and if you're willing to shell out an extra $1, you get 3D glasses that make the entire place even more magical, if that's possible. Fish swim off the walls! Treasure chests spill out coins and jewels! Marine plants shimmer in the waves! Kraken's threaten to pull you to the briny depths! I've never heard of black light golf, nor pirate golf, but the combo of the two AND 3D???? OUT OF THIS WORLD! Cheesiness at its best. It was like being on a ride at Disneyland, except you get to touch all the scenery. There is a series of photos of me with a shark that are best left undeveloped. Sorry that all the other, more appropriate, pics aren't available for viewing; it was Katie's camera and she is notoriously slow about posting pics to facebook.

*Yes, I still love Paul Walker. What? Like you don't??

Even Rodents Need Love

this is not my photo

Punxsutawney Phil, aka the Groundhog Day groundhog, is a very special furry creature. Besides being America's best loved weatherman (actually he's in a dead-heat with Al Roker), he's a fan of reading, a great friend, and a devoted husband.

Yes, that's right, Phil is a family man with a wife named...Phyllis. They live together with about 30 other groundhogs in a "zoo" outside of the children's section of the Punxsutawney Memorial Library.

However, all might not be well in groundhog paradise; a few years back, Ol' Philly tried to escape, and his handlers had to wrangle him back to his abode. Perhaps he and Phyllis had a fight over who got to chew on the returned copy of See Spot Run.

If you're as fascinated by this unique American celebrity as I am, visit his website. Fantastic! I wonder when he'll start his descent into LiLo-dom.

HOT DATE

I had a super hot date with MSem tonight. She took me to see this gem:

And if that wasn't one of the best f-ing movies I've seen on the big screen in awhile, well then...I must be a 13 year old girl.

Srsly pals, there was some hot vampire-on-human, werewolf-on-human, vampire-on-werewolf action going on (in a chaste, Morman way, at least). And parts of it were actually quite suspenseful! And I didn't totally hate K.Stew, and R.Patz didn't look too smelly and hobo-esque. But, best of all, despite making me feel like a HUGE COUGAR, was this gentleman, er, boy:
Shit, I didn't even want R.Patz and his sparkly skin to return to the screen once I saw this underage werewolf. Me likey.

Howsomeever, I am annoyed with one thing. Now I can't get this tune out of my head:

PS. Apologies for The Sims animation video. IDK. I couldn't find the actual song sans creepy animation on youtube or hulu. This was the least offensive version. Blerg.