The Mystery Man

My modern drama final paper is due the Monday after Thanksgiving, so I've been living in the library since Sunday to avoid sacrificing holiday time for writing time. Living in the library (specifically the reading room) means that I'm spending a lot of time pondering the existence of Reading Room Guy (RRG). Even if you never go in the library, you will certainly have seen RRG through the windows of the reading room on your way to C-Street or the Quad. Many things about RRG amaze and disturb me.

Part I: His outer qualities.

• RRG is ancient and has no place in a college library. Professors don't step foot in the reading room, let alone random, old Cap Hill hipsters!
• RRG has what I like to refer to as the "Anthony Bourdain Look". The ABL describes an older man who obviously got down and dirty in his youth and now looks quite leathery and a bit unhealthy. An ABL-er must be tall, skinny, leathery, and old, but--and this is the most important part--he does not realize that he's old.
• RRG wears very, very skinny jeans. He wears a keffiyah. He wears pastel or neon sweaters. He wears a black pair of Converse.
• RRG has a chain attached to his pants.
• RRG has bleach blonde hair.

Part II: His inner qualities.

• RRG spends all day in the reading room. If I'm feeling ambitious and am at the library before 8am, he's there. If I've been procrastinating all week and have to stay in the library until 3am finishing a paper due the next morning, he's there.
• RRG is always reading a paperback book.
• RRG always has a paper cup of coffee from Bon Ap. On occasion, I have seen him in C-Street. It was disturbing to see him outside his (un)natural environment of the reading room.
• RRG does not seem self-conscious that all he does, weekday and weekend, is read in the library.
• RRG is apparently either retired, a millionaire, or homeless because he cannot possibly hold down a job with all the time he spends reading.
• RRG has intense powers of concentration because he rarely moves. If I am unfortunate enough to be in the reading room for an extended period of time, I'll have either shifted, browsed the internet, run to the bathroom, texted, or daydreamed at least 5 times per hour. Maybe this is more demonstrative of my inabilities rather than RRG's superpowers, but I still find it strange.

Part III: Questions I have about RRG.

• Is he in any way affiliated with the university? An alum? An emeritus? The husband/partner of a professor? The nephew of Fr. Lemiuex?
• Does he have a home? Does he live in the library?
• Does he have a job? Is he independently wealthy? Did he make his millions at Microsoft and then decide to become an overaged Cap Hill hipster who reads all day?
• What does he read? Is he secretly some Good Will Hunting-genius?
• What does his voice sound like?
• Why does he dress in the manner of a 20 year old college student?
• WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN THE LIBRARY CLOSES FOR RENOVATIONS?!?!? I'm worried for him.

If anyone can answer my questions or tell me about an enconter with RRG, please let me know. I intened to find out more about him by the time I graduate from these hallowed halls.

Suburbia

I've been out of town for the past two weekends, and I chose to spend my time in the wildernesses of...suburban Puyallup and Portland. Let me tell you, neither locale is for the faint of heart!

I went to visit my mother's brother and family the weekend of the 14th, and I got to take the exotic transportation device known as "The Sounder". It was my first time. I was excited because the trains are the same double-decker kind used all over Italy. Rather than seeing the sparkling Ligurian Sea, however, I was treated to the damp, gray valley that is Pierce county. My aunt and uncle's farm is a treasure-trove of Americana, and I spent the weekend feeding horses, playing with cats and dogs, baking, painting my cousin's bedroom, not showering, not getting dressed, playing Rock Band, eating oreos dipped in raspberry jam, and being lazy with my lovely cousins. I also learned a very important skill: apple peeling. My aunt has this fantastic machine that allows you to pop an apple onto a rod and spin a handle, slowly advancing the apple toward a razor blade, which peels and cores the apple in one fun motion!

I got to do this procedure about 10 times and I was quite giddy, as avid Team Lara fans may imagine. It was magical.

This weekend I made the epic journey down to P-town for a doctor's appointment and some old fashioned family bonding. I helped pick out paint colors for our kitchen, family room, and den, beat my dad at Mario Kart, listened to my mother hum while making dinner, dealt with the thermostat being raised to 75 deg., introduced my grandpa to Thai food, went to the library, and had, generally speaking, hott times. And by "hott times" I mean falling asleep with my cat on the couch at 10pm on a Friday night with a rerun of CSI on in the background. It was bizarre (read: wonderful) to go four whole days without seeing a single hipster, to be the one almost hitting a pedestrian instead of being the pedestrian, and to not pay any sales tax on my hair conditioner from Fred Meyer. Ahh, suburbia, with all your joys and mysteries, how I love thee!

Coming up for Team Lara: Thanksgiving reunions with the BFFs, a review of the second Pants movie during a drunken viewing at said BFF reunion, my 22nd birthday, the hell that is Lemieux's reading room at 4am on Tuesday of Finals Week, and the Holy Grail of Fall Quarter--Christmas Break!!

I'm neurotic

I'm a Lit major, so I like words and the sounds and images they produce. But I have to admit that I am terrified by certain words, some because of how they sound and some because of their connotation. If you want to be a part of Team Lara, you won't use these words around me:

1. Moist. I know, I know, this is everyone's LFW (least favorite word). No one on earth, not even non-English speakers who don't know its connotation, could possibly like this word.
2. Culot. Yes, I mean the article of clothing often worn by young girls in the early '90s. I just don't like the way it sounds. It's too close to cutlet, and I don't like the idea of wearing meat on my legs.
3. Chunk. Again, this is more about the sound than anything else.
4. Skotch (as in, move over a skotch). I've found that most people are fortunate enough to never have heard this word. Unfortunetly for me, my 12th grade biology teacher used it quite often. One reason I dislike it is due to an unfortunate dissecting incident in which my teacher told me to adjust my rat's skin flap* "just a skotch" so I could see its intestines better. *Cross-referenced with #9.
5. Ointment. Why would you ever want to rub something with such a disgusting name on your skin?
6. Grind. This is perhaps because I never know what it's past tense form should be: ground, grinded, grounded--none of the possibilities sound correct.
7. Balmy. I feel I should explain a little. Before the junior prom, my group went to Benihana's (yes, we were very classy). A couple from another high school was there in prom get-up, so our server sat us with them. The guy was a freak and a half. He jabbered on and on while the girl looked miserable. At one point, the guys leaned over toward the girl and said, "My cheek feels balmy. Will you touch my cheek? Does it feel balmy?". The girl looked at him as if he were a disgusting insect and told him he should go check it out in the bathroom. After he left, there was a beat, and then she told us, "He's my boyfriend's younger brother. I owed him a favor". Creepy, damp-cheeked guy + awkward situation + uncomfortable prom dress + too much stir-fry = why I dislike the word balmy.
8. Filmy. It makes me think of slimey webbed toes.
9. Flaps. Mud flaps, wing flaps, body flaps...they're all bad. *Cross-referenced with #4.
10. Orange. Oranges are my least favorite fruit, I hate the way they smell, I hate their disgusting white skins, I hate their vein-y compartments, but most of all I hate pronouncing the word orange.

Things I like

I've decided that, since all of you are rooting for Team Lara, you should know my likes and dislikes. Thus, "Things I Like", will be a regularly featured blog topic.

First Thing I Like:

Humerous greeting cards.

My mother notoriously does not send me mail. My roommate gets care packages galore, while I am lucky to receive a card on major holidays (with a crisp $5 that my mother tells me to spend on something holiday-related, like candy, as if trying to deter me from spending it on booze). However, when la madre e il padre DO decide to send me a card, it's usually quite fab, and almost always animal-related. Here is the card they sent me for Halloween.

Here is the outside:

Things I like so far: it's grammar-related, the two girls look like total hos, neither has clean hair, and they are in some sort of diner.

And the Inside:

Things I like: Blondie got skooled, their expressions don't change, and my mother's note that these girls are English majors. Thanks for pointing that out, Mom.

And that was the first edition of Things I Like. Later entries will most likely cover my cat, Carlo Rossi, celebrity children, and Sweet Valley High books. Stay tuned.

Middle-aged Weekend

Instead of a vampire weekend, I experienced a middle aged weekend. It was a little preview of what my life might be like after I've been married for 25 years and am an empty nester. On Friday night I watched a movie with a friend. On Saturday night I went to the Lemongrass and watched a movie with a friend. On Sunday night I went to see the king of Adult Contemporary, Mr. Jason Mraz (Mr. Az, if you prefer). He danced, he white-person rapped, he sang 60s pop ditties, but--best of all--he brought out a gospel choir to accompany him on several songs.

Perhaps the most suprising part of the concert was the text messages sent by the audience. The texts were projected on to the stage's screens. Some were boring, like the many marriage proposals, some were kind of cutsey, like the imitation LOLCats shout outs, and some were just plain magnificent. My faves were:

1. I am sitting in front of an obnoxious drunk woman.


2. I love butt.


3. I have to poop.

The best thing about text #3 is that it was the last text projected onto the screens. When people think back on their Mraz experience, they'll probably remember the head-bopping, the testosterone-less men who populated the audience, and the person who had to take a dump right before Jason came on stage. All in all, I'd say that's a memorable Soft Rock concert!

Yes We Can! Yes We Did!

"'God damn it,' he said, 'there are such nice things in the world-and I mean nice things. We're all such morons to get so side tracked'" Franny & Zooey

Things I will always remember about the night Obama became President:

Hearing students screaming in the buildings around us.

Crying with friends during Obama's acceptance speech.

Eating an egg sandwhich after 7 shots of vodka.

Hearing fireworks all over Cap. Hill.

The sense of unity.

Seeing my feelings reflected in the faces on tv.

Blasting "Born in the USA" out the bedroom window.

Feeling pride in America again.

Even though I've been exhausted (and, if I'm being honest, a bit hung over) all day, I am buzzing with excitement and idealism. I could ramble, but I will let Tina Brown summarize: "Last night President-Elect Barack Obama gave America back its idea of itself. Just by winning he restored the nobility of a dream that has inspired the world for 230 years".

Om nom nom nom

I, like many, am a fan of the term Om nom nom nom, which is defined by Urban Dictionary as, "An onomatopoeical adjective based on the sound emitted when something is "oh so tasty" (either through hunger or flavorological value) that one gnaws through it without regard to cleanliness or etiquette. This sort of ravenous eating will often result in an "om nom nom nom" noise being emitted from the eater" . Therefore, when I found this website this morning while writing my midterm(I find my best new websites while procrastinating), I became very excited: http://www.omnomnomnom.com/

I couldn't help but think "om nom nom nom" every time I viewed a new photo. I encourage you to do the same.

Later gators, and happy om nom nom nom-ing!

Hotties of the Late '50s

I just finished watching "Gigi" on AMC, which happens to be one of my favorites. I don't know what it says about me that I find misogynistic leading men from 1950s musicals to be the epitome of romance, but there you have it.

Gaston:



Freddy:



I don't even like musicals, but after I listen to these two bad boys in their top hats and tails, I am ready to buy myself a ballgown and burst into song.

Hello, World!

I've decided to jump on the blog-wagon! I'm exposing the world to Lara's brain...even for the internet, it's pretty shocking.

If you're reading this, I assume you're a member of Team Lara. But here are some fun facts even my most vocal fans may not know about me...

Age: 21

Hometown: Portland, OR and Seaview, WA

Number of first cousins: eleven.

First crush: Leonardo DiCaprio

Strangest crush: Tom Selleck. But only a fully mustachioed Tom Selleck.

Best Halloween costume: big bird, when I was 4.

I hope I am reincarnated as: Heidi Klum.

Secret obsession: people watching.

Guilty pleasure: abbreviating/using text-language. Watching “Gossip Girl”.

My irrational fears are: birds and getting appendicitis.

Essential wardrobe item: pearls and headbands.

Favorite fruit: raspberries

Favorite vegetable: cucumbers

Favorite concert experience: Spice Girls, fifth grade. No contest.

Favorite muppet: it’s a toss up between Count Von Count and Grover.

Favorite drink: Pimms Cup.

Favorite childhood toy: my American Girl Doll, Samantha Parkington.

Favorite expression: cool beans or bomb dot com. I can’t choose.

Favorite holiday: non-religious: the Fourth of July, because it’s the only warm weather holiday. Religious: Easter, because we have two garbage cans full of champagne bottles after Mass.

Least favorite song: “Cotton Eye Joe”:

I’m currently reading: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone in Italian.

Thanks for spending your procrastination time reading my blog

Later gators!